I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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