i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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