sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Randomize
