I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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