Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
