how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
