I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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