I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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