I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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