you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
