i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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