just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have already put on my inside pants.
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