Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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