I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
