his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
