she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
