1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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