Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
