Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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