All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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