We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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