I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
