She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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