On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
