I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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