im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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