I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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