She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
