So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
