Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
