I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
