Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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