Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I touched a dick in church today
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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