Your mouth is God's brothel.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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