Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Terrible idea I love it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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