Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
