i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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