I think I died a long time ago.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
