HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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