Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
