IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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