dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
