covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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