So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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