I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
whose parrot is this?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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