Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
