so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
