No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
