If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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