You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
