we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
