It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
