Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
