omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
