can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
