I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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