He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
