I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
