Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
