Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
