WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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