The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I smell like Dick and happiness
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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