dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
