kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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